


The Best Kind of Bad Something

by SoldierThirstClass (HardNoctLife)



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Feelings Realization, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Sex, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:40:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26663809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardNoctLife/pseuds/SoldierThirstClass
Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Rude makes a confession while on the verge of death that has Reno reevaluating their entire relationship.
Relationships: Reno/Rude (Compilation of FFVII)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 107





	The Best Kind of Bad Something

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hibiren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibiren/gifts).



> I wrote this fic for @duskynebula (Twitter) after he won my 500-follower one-shot giveaway! He requested some NSFW hurt/comfort and I was SO happy to oblige. Hope you enjoy it, my friend!
> 
> Title comes from "Rock Bottom" by Hailee Steinfield. (It's a good Reno/Rude song, in my humble opinion.)

Everything was red.

Reno’s leather shoes, his suit jacket, his skin—Reno’s hair, cherry-colored in the right lighting, was a deep crimson at the tips—and he didn’t care.

He didn’t care about anything.

Scratch that, he cared about _one_ thing, and it was already in his arms. He clung to the heavier-than-usual body, muscles screaming with the effort of keeping them both upright. Reno stumbled through the dark alleyway, kicking aside trash cans and hissing at animals to get out of their way.

“Don’t you dare die on me! Don’t you _fucking_ dare,” Reno seethed through clenched teeth as he fumbled to find the doorknob of an ‘Exit Only’ door.

His fingers, coated with Rude’s blood, couldn’t grip it, and he had to wipe his hand on his already soaked clothes three separate times before he could get it to turn. Between his own adrenaline and Rude’s labored breathing, it was a miracle he got it open at all, but somehow he managed.

They burst into a long, empty hallway, the fluorescent lights overhead filtering everything a pale green. Reno took a step and almost fell face-first, the blood already dripping onto the tile making everything slick beneath his feet.

“You’re heavy, you know that?” Reno huffed, taking a second to readjust his hold. “Come on, partner, almost there.”

Rude groaned a little, but he made an attempt to move, leaning his full weight on Reno and the nearest wall for support. Reno tried not to look at the thick smears Rude’s body made as they went. It was if someone had dipped a paint roller in blood and gone to town, the color brilliantly jarring on the eggshell canvas.

Instead, Reno kept his eyes trained on the double doors straight ahead, ‘Authorized Personnel Only’ stamped across them in block letters.

“Don’t you fucking die on me,” Reno repeated under his breath. It was a fervent prayer for any god that might have been listening, though he wasn’t one to believe in that sort of thing.

Everything he had accomplished in life had been by his own hand, but he could acknowledge that sometimes, you needed a little help. That’s where Rude usually came in. But _usually_ he wasn’t full of bullet holes and bleeding out.

Each step was harder than the last, but eventually they made it to the second set of doors, and Reno hit his hip against the button that would make them swing open automatically.

In the second they were forced to wait, Reno took a ragged inhale, silently begging his feet to cooperate for just a little while longer. With his exhale, he trudged forward, eyes flitting in every direction for signs of life.

He heard the nurse before he saw her, soft footfalls sweeter than any symphony.

“Help!” Reno rasped, then cleared his throat and tried again. “Hey! We need help over here!”

Rude’s breathing was almost inaudible by the time the woman appeared from around the corner, blue eyes bright with fear and alarm at the sight of two bloodied men in the corridor.

“How did you get in here?!” she demanded, stopping a short distance away. One hand came up to cover her mouth as she surveyed them more closely, eyes darting from the floor to the wall and back again.

“My friend needs help, he’s been shot,” Reno spoke with what little remaining strength he had, fixing the woman with an authoritative glare. “He’s lost a lot of blood, he needs to be healed _now_.”

“R-right,” she stuttered, taking a wary step back. “Stay right there,” she added before fleeing, her shoes smacking the floor as she ran away.

“Hang on, Rude,” Reno said, his legs finally giving out from under him. He slid to the ground, cradling Rude against him as his eyes fell shut. “Hang on.”

“Re...no…”

It was barely a whisper, but Reno managed to squint his eyes open. He glanced down in silent question.

Rude seemed to have lost his sunglasses during their escape, and he gazed directly into Reno’s eyes, face unusually pale.

“...I…”

Rude’s mouth was moving, but Reno couldn’t hear the words. Though his body ached, he leaned forward, bringing his ear to Rude’s lips.

“What is it, partner?”

Rude spoke again, and Reno froze, unsure if he had heard right.

“ _What_?”

When he turned his head to look at Rude again, his eyes were shut, face relaxed as if in sleep. Icy panic surged through Reno’s veins, stomach clenching in fear.

“H-hey!” He shook Rude a little. When it didn’t elicit a response, he shook him harder. “ _Hey!_ ”

Fingers digging into the folds of Rude’s jacket, Reno bowed his head as hot tears stung at the corners of his eyes. Somewhere in the distance he could hear yelling, but he was afraid it was too late.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Reno tried to laugh, but it came out strangled, tears intermingling with bloodstains.

He closed his eyes and prayed.

* * *

Reno’s first thought was: _Am I dead_?

But the answer to that was a resounding ‘no,’ determined by the way his entire body felt like lead, half-sunken into what he assumed was a hospital bed.

He could hear the faint beeping of a monitor nearby, and he forced his eyes open, clumped eyelashes pulling apart like velcro.

It was dark in the room save for the green glow of medical machinery, and it took a few seconds for Reno to orient himself.

The quiet was suffocating, flashes of the mission-gone-wrong flooding Reno’s mind.

 _Rude_.

Reno turned his head to the left, away from the windowless wall, gaze falling on a thick curtain. He could only hope that Rude was behind it.

Groaning, Reno pushed himself upright, taking care not to jostle the cables and IV attached to him. The simple movement left him breathless, and he had to stop before throwing back the sheets and swinging his legs around. He felt naked in the thin hospital gown he was wearing, bare feet hitting the cool floor and making him shiver.

“Rude?” he croaked out tentatively.

Only the beeps of the monitor answered him.

Bracing himself with a deep breath, Reno reached forward to pull the curtain back. The bed beside his was empty, and his blood ran cold as he stared at its crumpled sheets, a sign that it had been occupied up until recently.

There was a tightness in his throat and a stone in his belly, worst-case scenarios jumping to the forefront of his mind.

_He’s dead. I was too late._

A door creaked on its hinges, and Reno’s head jerked up to see the silhouette of a nurse appear behind the next curtain, light spilling in from the hallway beyond. A moment later, a woman slid past it, stopping to let out a soft gasp when she saw Reno.

“You’re awake!”

It was then that Reno realized it was the same nurse who had ran to get help when they first arrived.

“Where’s my partner?” he blurted. If there was bad news, he didn’t want to delay the inevitable.

She averted her gaze, tucking a loose strand of blonde hair behind one ear. “He’s in surgery still,” she explained, and though Reno knew he shouldn’t allow himself to hope, he couldn’t help it.

If there was any chance Rude would pull through, he’d take it.

“He’s still alive?” Reno breathed. He didn’t care how desperate he sounded.

“Yes, the doctor was able to stabilize him with the help of some Cure materia. They’re trying to patch the holes and remove the bullets now.” She hesitated before coming to sit on the edge of the empty bed. “Several vital organs were punctured. It seems like you got here in the nick of time.”

“Ha.” Reno shook his head, biting back a smartass remark. “Good.” With a grunt, he slumped down, pulling his legs back onto the bed to lie flat.

“...what happened?” the woman murmured.

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you,” Reno (mostly) joked. The awkward silence told him that she didn’t find it funny. He sighed, reaching up to run a hand through his disheveled hair. They were sitting ducks in the hospital anyway. What did it matter if one nurse knew who they were?

“We’re Shinra operatives. It was supposed to be an easy recon mission, but something went wrong. Someone gave away our position, and we got caught with our pants down.” Reno let his eyes slide shut, energy quickly waning. “My partner—the guy full of bullets—he put himself between me and a machine gun.”

“Oh.” He could hear her fidgeting, grabbing at a necklace maybe. “You must care about each other a lot.”

Reno bit down, tasting blood.

“Yeah.” He laughed bitterly. “I guess you could say that.” The silence was less awkward this time, and Reno let himself drift, sleep tugging at him.

There was a squeak of bedsprings as the nurse got back to her feet.

“Hey,” Reno murmured. “Wake me up if he pulls through, won’t you?”

He was out before he could hear her answer.

* * *

“Sir? ...sir?”

Reno startled awake, the dregs of a nightmare fleeing from behind his eyelids. The room was brighter, and he threw an arm across his face, moaning from the shock of it.

“Whaaaat?” he growled.

“Sir, your friend. He’s awake.”

Reno let his arm slip away, bolting up so fast that the room spun. “What?”

“Your friend—

“Where is he?” he interrupted, already moving to get out of bed. The nurse scanned him with blatant concern, a hand reaching out to grab him by the arm.

“Please, be careful—”

Reno waved her off, pushing past her and yanking cords and IV lines free as he went. He barely registered the pain they caused, body numb from medicine and magic.

“Where is he?” He was wobbly on his feet. Even so, he walked with purpose, not yet knowing where he was going, only that he was about to get there as fast as he could.

The nurse jogged to fall into stride beside him, hands poised to catch Reno should he fall. She seemed to realize that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“He’s in recovery right now, though I must warn you, it will take some time before he fully heals.”

“Right.” Reno’s answer was distracted, eyes darting to and from curious hospital staff they passed as he stomped through the ward, stopping only when they reached a crossroads. “Which way?”

“Um, this way.” The nurse bobbed her head in apology at a stunned receptionist, showing Reno past her desk. She gestured to a nearby elevator, pushing the up button before letting him step in first.

As the doors slid shut with a ding, she hurried to swipe a key-card and press the number for their destination. Reno crossed his arms, settling against the back wall of the elevator as it climbed higher, fingers drumming impatiently over his arms as he waited.

The moment the elevator stopped, he was on the move again, all but shoving the nurse out into the hall. She took the hint this time, leading him through a maze of doorways until they reached another set of double doors with ‘Recovery Ward’ above them.

Reno left the nurse then, shoving the doors wide with a bang. Employees stopped, looking away from whatever they were doing to watch as Reno stormed between a long row of beds, ducking behind curtains in search of Rude.

“Excuse me, sir, but you can’t just—” a doctor was saying, half-rising from where he was hunched over a clipboard.

Reno barely registered the nurse making a muffled apology on his behalf as he dipped around the third partition and found what he was looking for.

He had never seen Rude look small and weak until that moment, and it momentarily squeezed all of the anger from him, chest aching with an emotion he couldn’t name. He was hooked up to an assortment of tubes, a breathing mask over his face, and it was disconcerting enough to make Reno queasy. As quietly as possible, Reno walked to the bedside and pulled up a chair. An irate doctor and the nurse who escorted him followed shortly after.

“You can’t be in here,” the doctor snapped, dark eyebrows drawn down in a frown.

Ignoring him, Reno found Rude’s hand underneath the blankets and gripped him by the wrist, bowing his head in concentration. He found a threadbare pulse through his partner’s chilled skin and exhaled in relief.

 _He’s alive_.

“I said you can’t be in here!” the doctor repeated, louder this time. He put a hand on Reno’s shoulder, the threat of forcible removable imminent, and Reno’s head turned as if on a swivel, eyes narrowing dangerously.

“Touch me again and I’ll break that hand, doc.” Though he smiled, it was full of enough venom that the man recoiled, huffing with indignation. Reno could see the fear behind his bravado and grinned. “Don’t worry, I won’t cause any trouble. I need you to keep this fucker alive at all costs.”

There was a groan of acknowledgment from Rude, eyelids fluttering. The nurse and doctor watched Reno, wearing identical bewildered expressions as he hopped lithely to his feet.

“‘Sides, once he’s well enough, I’ve got some business of my own to settle with him. Ain’t that right, partner?” Reno stretched his arms overhead, exaggerating a yawn. “Anyway, I’ll be needing my stuff back now.”

“Stuff?” The doctor appeared irritated by the sudden demand, in no rush to oblige, but the nurse jumped to attention, eager to help.

“Yes sir, I will have your personal belongings brought to your room—err, what’s left of them.”

“What’s left?” Reno’s eyebrows furrowed.

She smiled sheepishly, clasping her hands in front of her. “The suits were put with the hazardous waste. Due to all the blood.”

Reno rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, shit.” He couldn’t blame them, but it did make things a little more difficult. “Alright, just gimme what ya got and I’ll be out of your hair. I need to make a phone call.”

Providing no further explanation, Reno sauntered out of the makeshift room whistling to himself, the nurse at his heels.

* * *

Reno observed the sleepy town from where he sat in a window of the hospital’s upper lounge, listening to the dial tone through his cellphone speaker. The sun was just beginning to slip below the horizon, and he could see his battered and bruised face reflected in the glass. The purple and red splotches stood out against the white t-shirt the nurse had loaned him. He’d seen himself look worse— _way_ worse—but it was yet another reminder of how close they had come to biting the big one, and he shuddered.

When someone picked up on the other end of the line, Reno turned away from the window, letting his head thud against it.

“Hello?” Tseng’s voice came through, loud and clear.

“Hey boss, did ya miss me?”

“Reno. Status?”

_All business. That was Tseng for you._

Reno took a look around, ensuring no other patients were within earshot before continuing. “We’re alive if you can call it that. Rude took the worst of it. Might not be able to move him for a few days.”

“And the target?” Tseng questioned coolly.

“Dunno. Escaped, probably.”

“I see.” A pause. “I will send someone to collect you via helicopter as soon as possible. We will have you transferred to ShinRa Medical. Until then, maintain a low profile.”

“Yes sir.”

Tseng’s voice abruptly softened. “And Reno?”

Straining to listen, Reno sat up a little. “Yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re both alive.”

It wasn’t like Tseng to get sentimental, and Reno blanked, his response coming out two seconds too late.

“Thanks, boss.”

Tseng had already hung up.

* * *

The next morning, when Reno saw Rude again, he had been moved to his own room down the hall. Though he still looked pale, his eyes were open at least, so that was something.

Reno’s nurse friend stood outside the door and urged him to make his visit a quick one. The doctor had already reprimanded her once for letting Reno move around freely the day before. Since she had done him a solid, he promised to do his best not to get her into any more trouble.

When Reno walked in Rude lifted his head off his pillow. He had his hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans, which slid low on his hips, a couple of sizes too big for him. Careful to keep them up, he found his way to the foot of Rude’s bed.

They locked eyes, and Reno waited.

“...I’m sorry,” Rude eventually said. His voice was low and husky and it hit Reno like a punch to the gut.

“Oh?” Feigning ignorance, he twisted a loose strand of hair around one finger. “What for?” Reno kept his eyes on Rude, grinding his teeth in an effort to maintain his composure.

Finally, Rude looked away, grimacing. “For everything.”

“No,” Reno spat. “You don’t get off that easy.” He leaned forward, placing his hands on the bed. They balled into fists of their own volition. “You either say it to my face, or I walk out this door and we never speak about it again, got it?”

Time seemed to slow down as Rude turned back to him. He looked exhausted, and for a split second, Reno felt almost guilty.

 _Almost_.

“I’m sorry for what I said when I thought I was dying.”

A new pain lodged itself between Reno’s lungs, making it hard to breathe. Out of all the injuries he had sustained, this one hurt the worst. “You’re sorry, huh? So, that’s it?” He stood back up, hands still clenched with anger.

Rude was silent, watching Reno with his big brown eyes, and half of him wanted to scream and the other half wanted to cry, but all he did was turn away with bitter resolve.

“The boss is sending a helicopter. Should be here sometime today.”

He was halfway to the door when Rude called out to him.

“Reno, wait!”

Though he hated himself for it, he did. “ _What_?” he asked, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

“Look at me.”

Reluctantly, Reno glanced over his shoulder.

He watched Rude took a shaky breath in, then out. Reno had no idea that he was holding his own.

“I love you.”

The world seemed to tilt on its axis as Reno felt himself going sideways. Before he could think much of it, he reached out, hand slapping the wall to steady himself as he noisily released his breath. He could feel the blood draining from his face in his shock.

“What?”

“I love you,” Rude repeated firmly, holding eye contact as bile burned the back of Reno’s throat and forced him to swallow.

Nothing moved in the room for what felt like an eternity, an array of emotions assaulting Reno from all sides.

At long last, Reno barked out a short laugh. “ _Fuck you_.”

He made sure to slam the door on his way out.

* * *

Returning to Midgar was not usually a cause for celebration. It meant long days spent in meeting rooms or catching up on paperwork, the ‘downtime’ between missions less of a break and more of a catch-up period, but this time was different.

This time, Reno and Rude were both placed on medical leave indefinitely, and every ShinRa employee they came across, Turk or otherwise, treated them like they were heroes back from the war.

Reno hated every second of it.

After the first week, he barged into Tseng’s office and slammed his hands down on his desk. Tseng didn’t even glance up from his laptop.

“I’m fine, damnit. Put me on a mission!” But no matter how much Reno begged, pleaded, or cursed, Tseng’s answer was always the same.

“Until you _and_ Rude are fully recovered, you will remain at Headquarters.”

“I don’t see Rude sitting behind a desk,” Reno sulked. _That_ earned him a look.

“Last I recalled, Rude also had several more bullet holes in him.”

Reno may have been a gambling man, but he also knew when to fold. Clenching his jaw, he spun on his heel and left the same way he came—in a cold fury.

* * *

It was a month later when Reno got the phone call, and he was three sheets to the wind at the time, drowning his sorrows and boredom in a glass of whiskey (neat) at his favorite above-plate bar.

“You gonna get that?” the old bartender drawled, nodding toward Reno’s phone.

Reno eyed it where it vibrated on the counter, the word ‘Partner’ flashing across the screen like a bomb about to detonate.

“Nah, probably not important,” he said, though he couldn’t bring himself to tear his eyes away.

The man looked puzzled, setting the glass he was cleaning aside. “She won’t be mad if you ignore her?”

Scoffing, Reno didn’t bother to correct him. He let the call go to voicemail before downing what was left in his glass.

“Keep the change,” he said. Placing a pile of gil onto the bartop, Reno slid off his tool and left, slinging his coat over one shoulder as he went out the door and onto the darkened street.

The bite of winter was in the air, but he kept his coat off, the alcohol buzzing in his system enough to keep him warm. Stalling beneath a street lamp, he lit a cigarette and took a drag, blowing rings idly as he thought.

_I should at least see if he left a voice mail._

They hadn’t spoken since _that_ day, and Reno hadn’t bothered to visit Rude in the hospital, too stubborn to be the first to break, but as the silence between him and Rude stretched, the pain in his chest only grew deeper until it seeped into his bones and blood, a poison eating him from the inside-out.

Reno smoked an entire cigarette and lit a second before finally checking his voicemail. The message from Rude was brief and to the point, as per usual.

“Call me when you get this.”

Just hearing Rude’s voice was enough to make Reno shake, though he could easily have blamed it on the cold.

“Nice to hear from you too, partner,” Reno muttered, watching flakes of ash float from the tip of his cigarette onto the tops of his shoes. After another minute of contemplation, he stubbed out the cigarette on the brick wall of the bar and flicked it away, sliding his jacket on.

His feet automatically started moving in the direction of Rude’s apartment a short walk away. It was time to settle this once and for all.

* * *

By the time Reno arrived at Rude’s apartment, he was having second thoughts. He paced back and forth outside the nondescript door, debating within himself as he sobered up.

_Just let it go. It’s late, anyway._

At one point Reno even turned to leave, but something pulled him back, an invisible force that told him he’d never forgive himself if he walked away and left the conversation unfinished.

With resignation weighing on him, he finally knocked, then jumped back as if the door might swing open and hit him. A few seconds later there was a noise from within, then the rattling of a chain and deadlock sliding back.

The door opened, and he and Rude stood face-to-face, blinking back at one another.

“Yo,” Reno greeted.

“Hey.”

It was then that Reno realized Rude was only wearing a pair of gray sweatpants, a smattering of rounded scars on his abdomen visible in the golden glow of the hall light behind him. Reno swallowed hard as he picked them out, connecting the dots in his mind.

_This was a mistake._

“What’s up?”

Rude’s question jerked Reno’s attention back to his face. “You called me,” Reno answered dumbly.

“Oh, yeah.” They both shifted, neither one meeting the other’s eyes. “You want to come in?”

Reno chuckled at the absurdity of it all. It was as if nothing had changed between them. “You got whiskey?”

The small smile that curled at the edges of Rude’s mouth was enough to warm Reno down to his toes.

“Yeah, of course.” He stepped aside to allow him entry, and Reno made sure to remove his shoes before they shuffled through the narrow corridor into a tiny living area with a low table and a TV. The television was turned to the news, the volume muted, and a couple of empty beer cans littered the table. It looked like Reno wasn’t the only one who had been drinking.

Reno paused when Rude opened a cabinet above a tiny kitchenette along the far wall. It was small enough that it made Rude look like a giant in camparison, a tiny sink and stove more suitable for a child than a grown man. He retrieved with a half-drunk bottle of whiskey from the top shelf and two rocks glasses.

“Still drink yours neat?” Rude asked as he came to sit cross-legged at the table.

Reno followed his example, pulling a cushion beneath him. He shook his head slightly. “No other way to drink it.”

Twisting the lid off the bottle, Rude poured the rich amber liquid into their glasses. Then, he took his drink in hand, raising it in a toast.

“Cheers.”

Reno hesitated, clinking his glass against Rude’s before sipping the whiskey demurely. It burned comfortably as it went down. After the first swallow, he set it aside, placing his hands on his knees.

“Why’d you call me?” Reno asked stiffly.

“Why’d you come?” Rude volleyed back. He took a longer sip of his drink as Reno rolled his eyes.

“That’s a dumb question.”

Rude’s silence spoke volumes, and Reno avoided his curious gaze, watching as pictures of the restoration efforts in Sector 7 flashed across the television screen. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, knowing that ShinRa would attempt to cover up their atrocities by erecting new buildings and slapping some fresh paint on them.

Some damages could never be undone.

“You could have contacted me at any time. Could have come over before today,” Rude went on to say. “Why now?”

The words squeezed out of Reno’s mouth, sandpaper on his tongue. “Like I already said, you called.”

“Reno.” Rude’s tone had abandoned all civility. Stripped of its sugar coating, it caused a shiver to dance down Reno’s spine.

Slowly, Reno turned to face him, seeing the concern in his honey-glazed eyes. He sensed Rude’s hand rather than saw it, the gentle press of fingers over his suit jacket making him tense instinctively.

“Don’t.” Reno had meant for it to sound commanding, but it came out in a gasp. When he closed his eyes in shame, all he could see was crimson on white walls, tanned skin a ghostly pallor, and blue lips moving silently, mouthing the same words over and over.

 _I love you_. _I love you_. _I love you_.

“Reno.”

“ _Don’t_ ,” he was begging this time, fear seizing his heart so violently that he thought it might stop.

“I’m sorry for scaring you.”

The fingers resting on his arm curled, holding him steady. A warm forehead came to touch against his. He refused to open his eyes.

_Fuck._

“You didn’t scare me,” Reno said, but his breath hitched in the middle, and the lie failed to convince either of them. “I’m still fucking mad at you,” he added.

“I know.”

At least Rude had the sense to tell the truth, but it didn’t make him feel any better.

“How could you do that to me?” Reno’s voice was trembling, emotions welling up inside him at an alarming rate.

_If this asshole makes me cry, I swear—_

“I couldn’t die without telling you.”

Reno hated how he said it so matter-of-factly like it was the obvious choice. This time, he managed to look up, shoving Rude’s hand away.

“Oh yeah? And _then_ what? I just go on without you? How the hell was that supposed to work? Didn’t factor _that_ into your plan, did ya?”

A flicker of confusion passed over Rude’s face. He pulled his shoulders back, hands sliding beneath the table to rest in his lap.

“But I’m alive, Reno.”

“Yeah, no _shit!_ ” He grabbed his head with both hands, groaning in frustration. “How can I get it through that thick skull of yours, huh? Telling me your feelings was lose-lose!” This time he threw his arms wide, waving them wildly. “If you died, I would have had to live with that forever, no say in it whatsoever. Flip side is, you’re alive, so now I gotta deal with it. Kinda makes going on missions a whole ‘nother level of intense, don’t you think?”

Rude hung his head, appearing to be lost at a loss, and Reno snorted in disbelief, downing the rest of his whiskey like a shot before reaching across the table for the bottle.

“If you want a different partner, I understand,” Rude said in a measured tone.

Taking a long swig from the bottle, Reno slammed it down so that their glasses rattled, shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

“You really _are_ an asshole, Rude. Bigger asshole than me, and that’s saying something.” Rude stiffened but didn’t protest, and Reno sighed, spreading his hands helplessly. “You think I’m gonna let you out of my sight now? After you nearly died saving me, being all romantic and shit? Oh no, partner. You see, I’m pissed because you had the balls to do this to me on your deathbed and I never would have got to tell you…” he paused, mouth clamping shut.

Rude’s head lifted curiously, eyebrows raising in question. Heat rushed into Reno’s face, but he forced himself not to look away.

“...I’m scared as hell,” he admitted.

The shift in Rude’s expression was slight, but Reno knew every one of his facial tics (regardless of whether his sunglasses were on or off) and no amount of alcohol could mask the meaning behind those relaxed brows combined with the quirked corner of his mouth.

Fire sparked in Reno’s gut when Rude grabbed him by the hand, rapidly overtaking the heat lingering in his face.

“H-hey!” Reno stammered, unaccustomed to being caught off guard, and least of all showing it.

Rude fixed him with a steely gaze. “Say it.”

“Huh?” Reno’s attempt to snatch his hand away was foiled by Rude’s unyielding vice grip.

“Say it back.”

It wasn’t a question. Rude was waiting, and Reno knew he’d wait all night if he had to.

“Fuck no, you gotta earn that shit.” He jutted his chin out defiantly, and a wicked grin flickered across Rude’s face, so fast that Reno thought he must have imagined it.

“Alright.”

Reno was too drunk to evade Rude grabbing him by the collar, and too surprised to fight back when he pulled him down to the bamboo flooring. With a hand remaining curled in the front of his shirt, Rude bent over him, their mouths meeting clumsily, and whatever protest Reno might have made was pushed aside by a tongue and swallowed.

The taste of whiskey and smoke intermingled as they kissed roughly. Reno had the fleeting thought that this had to be a dream. Any minute now, he’d be shaken awake by the old bartender and told to close his tab and go home.

But he didn’t wake up when Rude yanked his tie askew, nor when he unbuckled his belt with a tug and a yank. The final dose of reality was the fingers tangling into the hair at the nape of Reno’s neck yanking his head back.

“Ow!” Reno yelped, then moaned when Rude sucked at the tender skin beneath his jaw, mouth trailing down to Reno’s collar bone, teeth scraping lightly along it. “ _Fuck_ ,” Reno hissed, spreading his legs to cradle Rude between them.

Despite the alcohol still in his system, he could feel his cock getting hard, rubbing along the inseam of his slacks. The pressure of Rude’s body didn’t help. It only made him want to buck his hips and grind against him, and he nearly did, catching himself at the last moment.

_If this is a dream, don’t wake me up until it’s over._

“Say it,” he heard Rude murmur, warm breath tickling his partially exposed chest.

Reno wasn’t gonna let him off that easily. Licking his lips, he muttered, “No dice.”

In response, Rude ripped Reno’s shirt open. Buttons went flying as he dipped his head to cover one of Reno’s nipples with his mouth and sucked hard.

Any semblance of self-control vanished in an instant. Reno bucked wildly, his moan turning into a high-pitched whine. He had never heard that sound come out of his own mouth before, and if not for the fact he was incredibly turned on, he might have been embarrassed by it.

But he _was_ incredibly turned on, and _fuck_ , he needed out of his pants _yesterday_.

“Take these off,” Reno begged, hands reaching blindly for his pants.

Rude hummed— _holy shit is he full-on smiling?_ —looking rather pleased with himself. “Ask nicely.” His mouth moved to Reno’s other nipple to tease it with his tongue.

“Fuck you,” Reno said, but he was laughing between his moans now, and _shit_ , this really _was_ happening and he actually wasn’t mad about it. _Huh_.

Smiling, Rude grunted his affirmation before helping Reno remove his pants. He kicked them into the corner, taking the time to shrug off the rest of his jacket and shirt, leaving him in socks with stays, and black briefs.

Rude sat back on his heels to watch as Reno wriggled beneath him, the ghost of a smile still on his lips.

“You need help with those?” Reno asked, gesturing to Rude’s sweats. From where he was laying he could make out every chiseled abdominal muscle and the deep v that disappeared between the pants elastic waistband along with a trail of dark hair.

Rude didn’t answer the question right away, and it took Reno a second to realize that it was because he was studying him in much the same way.

“What?” Reno nudged Rude’s hip with one knee, grinning. “Don’t tell me you’re having regrets already, partner. We’ve barely started.”

“No, no regrets.” Lowering himself slowly onto his forearms, Rude buried his nose into Reno’s hair and inhaled.

“Whoa, don’t get weird on me,” he chided. Reno appreciated the feel of Rude on top of him, but the sudden shift in conversation was an instant mood killer.

“I’m sorry.”

The words were fraught with emotion. Reno stiffened. “Rude,” he bumped their heads together, “do we gotta do this? I get it. You almost died. You didn’t. It’s done. Now, are ya gonna fuck me or not?”

“Say it first. Or it’s not happening.”

“C’mon Rude—”

“ _Say it,_ Reno.” He paused. “And mean it.”

Reno growled, squeezing his eyes shut. He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch Rude. He wanted to cry, but that _definitely_ wasn’t an option.

Most of all, he wanted to forget the sight of Rude, breathless and pale in his arms, blood painting the walls and bullets decorating his chest.

He didn’t want to be afraid anymore, but Rude had made that impossible. Before, he was afraid of losing him permanently, but if he let him go now, the loss would hurt worse than death.

They couldn’t go back from this moment, and that terrified him most of all.

Reno opened his eyes to stare up at the ceiling, feeling Rude’s chest rise and fall in time with his. _Alive_.

“I hate you,” Reno sighed. “...and…” He turned his head away, lips pursing as he spit the words out. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Rude answered automatically, and there was that damn pressure in Reno’s chest again, suffocating him in the best way.

He laughed, because he sure as hell wasn’t about to let Rude seem him cry, and he turned until their lips met, and this time, he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

Snaking a hand lower, Reno shoved his fingers under the waistband of Rude’s sweats and groped, stroking Rude’s cock through his underwear. Rude grunted, eagerly returning the favor, and to Reno’s relief, he found that his dick was quick to pick up where they left off.

They continued that way for a while, languidly stroking one another and trading sloppy kisses until Rude pulled back to shimmy his pants and underwear the rest of the way off.

“Oh shit,” Reno commented with a chuckle of surprise. Rude hesitated after tossing his clothes into the corner, glancing down between them.

“What?”

Grinning wolfishly, Reno said: “You’re hung like a behemoth.”

Rude actually _laughed_ , a low rumble of approval that sent Reno’s heart fluttering, nervous as a virgin and as excited as a teenage boy, and— _fuck_ , _I really am in love and not drunk enough for this_ —yep, still not dreaming.

“We can go slow,” he said, taking Reno by the hips and pulling him closer. He hooked his thumbs in Reno’s briefs and slid them down, letting his prick pop free.

“Pfft, no chance, I want that _in_ me.” Reno reached to wrap his hand around Rude’s dick again, appreciating its thickness, eyeing its swollen tip.

Inching closer until there was no space between them, Rude eased his cock between Reno’s legs. “Hm. We’ll see.”

Fisting a hand in Reno’s hair once more, Rude kissed him fiercely, rocking his hips back and forth so that his erection rubbed against Reno’s inner thighs. The movement had them both panting, Rude’s hardened abs applying pressure to the length of Reno’s cock as he rutted against him.

“Seriously?” Reno gasped, hooking one leg behind Rude’s knee for added leverage.

“We’ve got time,” Rude murmured, thrusts uneven and eager.

Moaning, Reno squeezed his thighs around Rude’s length, sweat and precum making them slick. He loved the sound of Rude’s desperate breaths in his ear. He loved the way Rude’s hand clenched and unclenched in his hair in time with their hips. Most of all, he loved Rude’s length and girth and hardness fucking his thighs. If he wasn’t careful, Reno knew he’d come all over the both of them and would be useless for the rest of the night.

“Fuck me,” begged Reno, his hard-on throbbing insistently. For good measure, he added, “Please, Rude.”

Chuckling, Rude scooted away, smoothly flipping Reno onto his stomach with one hand. Before Reno could complain, Rude’s hips were against his ass, cocktip teasing between his cheeks.

“I don’t have lube,” Rude admitted apologetically. “Next time,” he vowed.

‘Next time’ had a nice ring to it.

With a sigh of concession, Reno lifted his hips, pushing them back into Rude with a shrug. “Fair enough.” But he was pleasantly surprised when a slick finger slid into him, prodding gently as Rude’s other hand reached around to pump his erection in tandem, guiding him towards orgasm. “Ooooh— _fuuuuck_ , Rude!”

Looking back, Reno would acknowledge that it wasn’t perfect, but that’s what made it so damn _good_. In Wall Market, the sex was standardized—a simple transaction. He’d grown used to it being the same every time, with the silk sheets, and mood lighting, and a pretty whore in lacey lingerie telling you ‘you were great’ (even if you weren’t).

But there was no laughter or cursing in Wall Market, and no one offered you a cigarette after you came all over their floor or an ice pack after you bumped your head on their table. They most certainly didn’t make you eggs and bacon and pour you a beer while you sat naked in their living room.

They wouldn’t ask you to stay the night.

And they wouldn’t pretend to not notice when you got all weepy on them.

They wouldn’t tell you the next morning that they still loved you in spite of everything.

And they wouldn’t promise to never leave you or to scare the fucking daylights out of you again.

No, it wasn’t perfect, but it was _his_. And Reno knew there was no going back, and that made him the happiest man in Midgar, bar none.

* * *

Reno was sprawled naked on Rude’s bed, an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth. He propped himself up on one elbow, watching where Rude stood on the balcony of his apartment a few steps away, watching the sun rise over the sleeping city. He’d put on his sweatpants and sunglasses, but Reno could make out every muscle in his back as he bent over the railing, smoke curling from the forgotten cigarette in-between his fingers.

He didn’t consider himself the sentimental type, but Reno did his best to commit the image to memory.

“Yo, Rude?” Reno called softly.

Rude turned, eyebrow arching in response.

“I love you.” This time, it rolled off Reno’s tongue with ease, sure and decisive.

Though Rude’s smile was slow to stretch across his face, it filled the small room with warmth, outshining the morning sun.


End file.
